Your actual data
stays yours.

Last updated November 4, 2026

The simulator

RAM Altman is a fictional parody. The surrender simulator does not detect, access, inspect, capture, allocate for testing, or transfer your device’s RAM. You choose a hypothetical capacity, and a fixed sequence of visual steps counts that fictional amount down to zero.

Like any webpage, the site uses ordinary browser resources to display its interface. It does not intentionally stress your hardware or perform memory benchmarks. The simulated “acquisition” changes only what you see on the page.

No personal information forms

The simulator does not ask for your name, email address, account, payment details, or access to your files. Its selection and progress stay in the current browser session and are not sent to a server. Reloading the page resets the simulation.

Your fictional certificate

The certificate is generated locally in your browser. It includes your selected hypothetical capacity, a fictional certificate identifier, and the time of the simulation. It contains no personal name or device identifier. Downloading saves an image to your device; it does not upload that image to us.

Sharing is your choice

The “Share on X” button opens X with prefilled satirical text and a link to ramaltman.eu. Nothing is posted automatically. If your browser offers a system share action for the certificate, you choose its destination. Any service you choose to share with applies its own privacy practices.

Visitor analytics

The production site uses Vercel Web Analytics to understand how many people visit and which pages they read. It provides aggregate visitor and page-view statistics without analytics cookies. Vercel derives a visitor hash from incoming request information; that hash is discarded after 24 hours. These visitor counts are estimates, not a record of named people.

Analytics can include the page visited, referring site, approximate location, browser, operating system, device type, and visit time. Before sending a page view, we remove query strings and fragments from the page URL and allow only this site’s three public content paths. We do not send custom events, simulator selections, progress, certificate identifiers, or certificate contents to analytics.

Analytics is disabled for local development and preview deployments. We also skip loading it when your browser sends the Do Not Track preference. There is no advertising tracking or session replay. See Vercel’s Web Analytics privacy explanation for details about its processing.

Cookies and hosting

The application does not set tracking cookies or store the simulator selection in local storage. It does not contact a model provider or a payment processor.

As with other websites, the hosting provider may process ordinary connection information, such as an IP address, requested URL, browser headers, and timestamps, to deliver the site and operate its infrastructure. This is separate from the simulator. We do not promise that visiting a hosted website is anonymous.

No affiliation

RAM Altman™ is an independent satirical parody project. It is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or associated with Sam Altman, OpenAI, Apple, or any other referenced organization. All products, statistics, testimonials, research claims, and announcements on the site are fictional.